COVID-19

3/12 I sat stunned at my desk, reading the updates coming in on KSL for COVID-19.  First, the NBA suspended their season because Rudy Gobert tested positive for the illness, then every 30-45 minutes another major organization announced cancellations.  When I checked Facebook, I was shocked to see that many of my educator colleagues along the coast were announcing that their schools had been shut down.  Scared, and wanting to be prepared, I feverishly prepared an online Canvas course for my classes, just in case.  I half-jokingly announced to them that day that if--in the unlikely event school was closed-- we would use Canvas as a medium to continue learning.  

Honestly, I was a little excited and my students were too.  Unprecedented school closures were unheard of!  How hard could online school really be?  Additionally, I was hoping for the chance to stay home with Tillie and spend time with her and Nate.  

3/13  This day started very similarly to the rest.  At about 11 came the college school closures.  All in succession.  Closures for public schools were yet to happen aside from one school in Salt Lake County.  By fourth period, I was so convinced that things would remain normal that I didn't make the Canvas announcement to my last class.  I went home, stopping off at my parents house after picking Tillie up from Daycare.  

The Governor's announcement was on the television.  All public schools were closed for two weeks.  Schools were to provide online learning for their students.  Email after email followed, and things spiraled into chaos from their. 

The following week was a blur.  Trying to juggle getting all of my students informed, not overwhelming them and their parents, and making sure things were set for the end of term took countless hours of work.  

Week 2 of distance learning started to resemble some sense of routine, but it came with additional concerns.  How can I help those students who aren't doing work?  What should I do to help them?  Am I doing enough?  Is it even worth putting in a lot of effort if my students aren't engaged and don't care?  How can I get them engaged?  How can I be more engaged?  What can I do to ensure they are safe?  How can I let them know that I care?  How can I be both a good mom and a good online teacher at the same time without daycare help?  What if I don't get to see my students again for the rest of the year?  How will I handle that?  How will they handle that?  How far behind will they be from this?  The question list goes on and on.  

Here's the thing, I feel like I've been robbed of my first year teaching too.  We were going to start reading Fahrenheit 451 after Spring Break and word came that we're definitely not coming back until at least May 1st.  I was so excited to teach Fahrenheit, but couldn't bring myself to do it right now.  That is the kind of book that I feel my students need to really dive into and have my guidance to understand and comprehend fully.  I'm super sad my students will miss out on that.  

I'm sad that my students likely won't get to experience all of the things that come with the end of the year.  Spring Sports? Over.  Prom? Likely cancelled.  Graduation?  I don't think it's likely at this point.  I'm sad for them.  High School only happens once and it feels like they are getting cheated out of that part of their year. 

Know what else?  We are SO BORED.  I'll say it.  I hate online teaching.  Because guess what?  There is no way to replicate the learning and interaction that happens in the classroom.  I loved seeing my students groan when I asked them to pull out their books for silent reading, or when I caught one of them texting on their phone and miss the playful sarcastic banter that followed.  I miss the familiar, "What's up Gric?" That came with them greeting me as they walked through the door.  I long for a collaborative group discussion where they are learning and engaged.  In a nutshell those are the reasons I got into teaching.  Finding the motivation to post yet another video of myself explaining the module is excruciatingly painful.  Because, guess what?  I don't like listening to myself talk, I like listening to THEM talk! 

Guess what though?  I know I'm going to keep doing it.  Why?  Because I've developed a relationship with these students.  I care about them.  I want them to succeed.  So I am going to try my best for them.  I'm going to rewrite curriculum, lessons, and assignments because I care.  I'm going to ask them to post funny Flipgrid videos because I want them to have the normalcy of seeing their classmates once in a while.  

Even with all of the disappointment and sadness that has been on my mind, there are some great things that have been happening.  I am SO grateful that I get to spend time with Tillie right now.  She is getting SO big and it has been so rewarding to spend time with her and watch her grow.  I have been able to read more than I have in years (6 books so far, to be exact).  Nate and I have been able to spend good quality time together, which is something I cherish.  I've developed closer relationships with all of my siblings as they're the only people we've been able to come in contact with since March 12th.  Lastly, I've learned to rely on my Savior, Jesus Christ.  He knows what is going on and knows what is best and I have really had to put my trust in him!  I've truly had to "Trust in the Lord with all (m)ine heart, and lean not unto (m)ine own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5).  Things will be alright.  It will all work out.  Patience is just going to be something that we all have to work on.